Sunday, August 27, 2006

What If...?

It began with, "Ma, Sis has written an email. Take a look at it." Suddenly, I noticed a strange phenomenon - an absence in front of the (main) computer, with only the photos of the four of us - which I've put on the logon screen - staring back. Glancing into my room, I realized an email I'd just composed and sent to K (on my computer) was being intently pored over.

It concerned K (K for (Mr.) Kubrick, Old Monk, and brief mention of having whiskey and getting home at 3am.

Attempting to defuse the situation (but that's the giveaway, isn't it?) I brought up the mail from Sis on the main computer. The general reaction and atmosphere was no longer "early morning positive."

Five minutes later, "beta, whiskey pi ke padey thay kya? bus yeh yaad rakhna ki raat mein agar police ne pakda, kuch bhi poochne aur bolne ke pehle, woh teen-chaar haanth maarte hain."

Given how painful, in terms of self-exploration/revelation/understanding the past year and a half has been, this exchange brought back a bitterness. Of how, often, on confronting the unknown, the first mechanism was of (giving me something to) fear. And what/how things/life would've been, had it not been (continuously) seeded in such a way.


So much for a grand return to blogging...


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